Insecurity!!!!!!

I am out of a relationship...and believe me, it’s a relief...A month with a guy who is so insecure is very tiring. Why do people feel insecure?? A question that would have different answers I guess. I also do have my insecurity, but as far as I know, it is a mindset. The more we think we have problems, the bigger it would seems to be. It is not denying, it's accepting it with a different perspective...... Well life goes on even though a relationship ended, what did not kill or hurt you...make u stronger!!!!!!!

A month has past....

A month has passed since I worked in Kuching...and it means a month and 12 days I left my second home...Frankly speaking I do miss all the things there, the students, the friends and even the class. Every day I often imagine what my life would be if I left, mostly negative things, maybe because staying at a place for a long time, makes us not confident of our own ability to survive. If I stayed maybe I would not have the opportunity to explore my own ability. Its true training and teaching are totally different... Now I am exploring my new found ability of creating a focus aims at the end of training...I am proud because I believe my students are falling in love with English...Tik...Tok...time is ticking, and I will be in Kuching for 2 and half months... A lot will change...

Counting the days......

Today, I am actually packing most of my stuffs in a box, and I stumbled upon pictures of students and program that I organized alongside my students, I smiled with each pictures that I hold in my hand, from Blood Donation Program "Berhibur sambil Menderma", school motivation programs, climbing Mount Senyum in Pahang, Serembang 'd' Seremban, Masih ada yang Sayang 1/2/3(A program to help single mothers, the needy and the poor, and also orphans), Tirai Ramadhan, Gempadah 50 (3 daerah) believe it or not we did when to 3 districts in N9 and help the people there in any way we can... and a lot more.. Memories after memories... I may not know whether I am making the right move or decision to let go all that I have put into and sacrifice for the past 6 years, looking at the students and wonders are there more that I can offer them. Most of the students in the picture, graduated with flying colors and still called and sometimes sms... I don't even know what to say actually today...because in my mind and heart there will always be a special place for those who have been a part of my life here. I just don't want to go and maybe looked back and say “I know I could do more for them, and perhaps be a part of their life in the place we called our second home".......

Courtesy : Travis 12 memories

Appreciation...

A short but a very meaningful word. Believe it or not, it actually takes me sometimes to consider whether to write or not to write about my current situation. As some may know that I am going to leave my current employment and move on to other organization. I do wonder am I worth that much until that my future employment is willing to wait and offer me again the post. It is nice to feel appreciated. Appreciation for some may seem over rated but it is a necessities. And believe me that what is lacking in some people today. Saying thanks or even doing something back to repay the kindness of a person may be classified as "not sincere" but logically speaking how we measure person sincerity. A person may sacrifice his or her time, his or her strength, his or her possession for something they believe in, 100% without a doubt, but the percentage will decrease if we fail to notice all the things that he or she have done and it will come to a time they feel as they are being used. My matrix friend once labeled me as a doormat, someone who is easily to be stepped on, a person that will have the word NO in her dictionary. That statement did make me very upset and vowed I am going to show her that I am not a doormat for that moment forth. But even it is hard for me to say, she was RIGHT... and I do thank her for introducing me to that word. All my friends who are close to me also say that "I am too nice that people take advantages and I am too ignorant to do anything... Like I said before, I choose to be used by others, maybe it’s time for me to reconsider is it wise to put my feeling and my heart over the choice that I know would hurt me more.... Think Naz, God gave us brain to think, eyes to see, ear to listen, mouth to speak... and heart to hold all of them together....

My officemates!!!!

My officemates for the year 2009, I am going to miss each one of them, 6 years of working here; there are a lot of memories, both good and bad.

Yasmin Ahmad in Memory...

I never thought of writing this entry, because it’s been a while since Yasmin Ahmad passed away. But lately seeing her advertisement on TV makes me think of the wonderful image and values that she has incorporated through them. The real meaning and values of being a Malaysian. We should be proud of what we can offer those who looks upon us, maybe we are not as strong, or as advanced but we are as unique as we can be. People cry watching her advertisement, people laugh, and we feel that she is portraying the true meaning of Malaysian. A bit patriotic, I know maybe because this entry is written in the month of August... and before I forget, happy fasting to all Muslims where ever you are.

If you are interested in reading Yasmin perspective of the world just click,

http://yasminthestoryteller.blogspot.com or http://yasminthefilmmaker.blogspot.com

Liar!Liar! Pants on fire!!!!!!!

Can lying be classified as okay? Is it right to lie? If it is, what justify the action? One thing I hate is being lied to, as if the truth would hurt us more than lies. But lies become most hurtful when it becomes the truth of the moment. Am I making sense? I don't know, maybe the feeling of being lied to is lingering inside my mind and my heart and I don't know why am I bothering myself with these lies. Should I be mad, should I be sad? What should I be feeling?

What to do?

Have you ever been stuck in your life and you do not know what to do, you ponder your action, you think of you words, you search your feeling just to justify what happened to you... Hmm, actually I am, I do not know why but lately I've been a feeling a bit down, feeling let down, ignored and even hated by others... Is it just me, or it is a sign that I should take time off from the world that I am currently living, and go somewhere where people do not know who I am... Nice thought though, but I know it would never happen. Work have been my life for 6 years, it would be hard for me to just walk away... hehehehehe... That’s life... - Peace out -

P/s: I think I am falling for someone close to me... (",)

I'm back!!!!

It’s been a while since I wrote in my own blog. Well, this is a new resolution, "I will try to write as often as I can...”... ('',). This is because, thanks to a friend of mine, Julie, she said that she read what I wrote in my blog, so it is kind of nice knowing that out there your friends are still reading and wanting to know about u. Maybe not face to face, nor through the phone, but reading about your life in your blog, keeping track of you. Well recently, I quit my master, I was so excited to further my study but the institution that I have chosen was not as I expected, and due to that I quit. Maybe it is true sometimes things are not like what we expected, that's life, it can be disappointing and rewarding but it is the spices of our life, it was makes it interesting and unique.

Believe it or not I am still keeping in touch with my friend in the university years especially my matrix years, thanks to face book. And all of us are rekindling our life in matrix, O.M.G...I was thin back then... (Hmm... a reminder that I should be on a diet...hahahahaha). I miss that innocent but not yet corrupted life.... I miss my matrix years!!!!!!!!! And I miss you guys to... Keep reading, keep keeping in touch, and keep remembering... nothing can bring that life back except for us... Peace...

I wish.....

Sometimes we say this word when we are unable to turn back time, and correct everything that we consider as mistakes. Words that we never meant to say, action that we never want to take, but all we can do is say “I WISH... Sometimes I also think and just picture what life would be if I have taken a different road, maybe my life would be different, like the poem that Robert Frost written "Road Not Taken"... Interesting poem with deep meaning... Maybe we should stop looking behind and started to look forward. What done is done, we just make due... -peace-