A new year.

Today is the last day of 2010, the year in which my life was a bit upside down. The decisions I made, the relationships I end, the friendships I formed, have made my life in 2010 an unforgettable one. I made a lot of mistakes, and some are not to be proud off, I do promise myself that I will avoid making those mistakes again but we will never know the future. It is as vague and as mysterious as the night. But what I know is that, things happened for various reasons, trying to identify and justify those reasons may not be easy but it is not impossible.     I guess I prefer to leave all those reasons unsaid, because the year is about to end, and I am opening a new chapter, a new book for 2011. What happened in the past is the past, some may not be positive, but it doesn't mean that we should stop living our life. 2011 is a new year; it should be ventured with a positive outlook and perceptions.

Yesterday my students in JB celebrated my birthday in advanced, it was fun, and they reminded me the reasons why I chose teaching and lecturing as my profession. I love my work and now I am loving my life, my wish for to 2011 is that, hope it will make my journey full with unforgettable memories. Who knows if I may find the love of my life, anything can happen, it’s a brand new year. 

P/S: To my students in group 5 (JB), thank you for last night. I love each and every one of you. 

Imperfection.

End of this month, will mark a month I am in JB, it started off quite bad, and turn out quite o.k. I made friends, and enemies along 4 weeks I am here. It's kinda funny, to have enemy on the first day of work and not knowing what your mistake was. I guess as human being, we do have the tendency to find fault in people so that we, ourselves would not feel incomplete. Nobody is perfect; it’s how we deal with the imperfection determined what type of person we are. I have no issues or problems with other people imperfection, physically, emotionally, sexually or spiritually, because the imperfection actually shows their uniqueness. And as human being our ability to adapt to changes and our surrounding are well known since the dawn of time. 

There is nothing wrong of not being perfect, because if we fix that imperfection, other may arises, we can never satisfy our own need and desire to be perfect, but there will come to a time we would give up and just let the imperfection flows. Imagine the world as a big jigsaw puzzle, and each and every one of us actually fit into places that were design for us. So, who said that imperfection is not perfect. 

Perception

Today, I went to my students' house for Yassin recitation. I am always close to my students sometimes I need to remind myself that they are just students and boundaries should be set because when professional become personal it means that I have cross the line. Well, perceptions of others differ when they saw relationship between individual, some are positives other are negatives. If a close relationship is formed, we, have to be careful on what we say and do, because it can have an effect on the students’ point of view.

That is not the main issue of the entry. I am trying my best to build up relationship with colleague as well as personal relationship with an individual, in which I still have to fine tuning my own attitude, and my perception. I like a person or individual or people to know who I am when they know me, I don't want them to have these false beliefs as if I am different. Is it bad to be too honest with an individual that we like and care, or should we just keep quiet until the relationship is formed then we start showing who we really are. By then would it be too late to end it?

Just a thought.

Today is the last Sunday for 2010, and I was sick since yesterday, but now it is more bearable. Stomach ache, cramps (menstrual pain), fever and headache were all that I endured alone last night. It makes me wonder, when I was sick at home, my mum would ask me over and over again, what am I feeling, am I sick, is it fever, did I take  any medication?. She would ask and ask and ask, until I actually respond back but normally I would just lie on the sofa and nap for a while, and when I woke up, she will ask me to eat some food, to gain my strength back. Yesterday, no nags, no questions, no medication and no food were prepared. I may sound pampered but that is not what I am trying to say, what my point is, when we are among our family we took them for granted sometimes, we put other first then our family, but when we are sick they are the one who is willing to care for us no questions ask. I know we have listened to this over and over again, love our family, and never take them for granted.  Say thanks and I love you whenever we have time. All of us will say we know that but how many of us are doing it. Instead of posting I love my family on facebook, or twitter why not saying it to them personally. Wonderful things may happen. 

New friends

New friends come in all shape and sizes, and yesterday I watched TRON with two of my new friends. We became friends easily because all three of us are outsider, we are not from Johor. It was interesting because during that moment there were no ranks, no differences in age, gender, race or religion, all it was, only three new friends hanging out and watching movie. 

Today all of us have our own plan, one is going out on a date, the other one is shopping for his new work cloths, as for me, I am cleaning my house, washing my cloths, eating maggie, watching TV, relaxing and chilling... hee. 

She has the gut to try, do you?

This lady thought she was singing in English, many people laugh at her attempt to sing, well it is funny no doubt about it, and many may say she is making a fool of herself by doing so, for me, at least she showed the world on national television that she is willing to try even though she is not well verse in the language. When I was young in primary years I am grateful to actually studied in Sarawak, because there, when you are good in English they are proud of you, things changed when I moved to a local school in N9, no one wants to be my friends because it's not cool to be a teacher's pet. I tried failing my English paper to get friends, but then I realize that being good in English is an advantage and I should used it to my fullest potential, now I don't regret of not being cool or having cool friends when I was young, because it made me to who I am today, and I really want all Malaysians to believe that they have what it takes to be good in English, it starts in each of us. It is never too late. (“,)

Paranoid or Foreshadowing??

Have you ever felt that things are going differently for you? Have you ever questions whether the little voice in your head is telling the truth? What about doubting every motive on what a person says and do? Right now my head is full of conspiracy clouds, in which it is branching all over the place, and it all started with a phone call I received early this morning. My status at my current workplace is a bit vague, whether I am permanently here in JB or just on loan, in which I have to go back to Nilai after a period of time. Previously my thought was I am on loan, because I have been given the assurance of coming back to Nilai by the HR, but my head of department in Nilai seems to push me to decide on staying in JB. She was pushing from all angles even from my arguments of furthering my master, by asking me to switch from UITM Shah Alam to UTM in Skudai. And due to that phone call, it comes to point that I questions her previous attentions, her emails, and even the hello and how are you that I received from the other colleagues in Nilai. Hmm, am I being paranoid, or they are actually hinting that they don't want me back in Nilai instead they prefer me to be in JB? 

Hmm, need to stop thinking of it if not it will branch to a more interesting or maybe absurd theory. Like I said, am I being paranoid, or is it the foreshadowing to what will happen to me in my future?

What motivate you?

This student has motivate my students to push themselves be good or even better in English. Maybe the motivation is there because she is young and able to articulate her arguments strongly and confidently. Motivations for all of us come from different sources; maybe it is someone we know, maybe it can be from a poster and incident or events, or just a stranger that showed us that the impossible can be done. So, what motivate you?

“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are” (Kurt Cobain)

I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday here in JB. Well, when you have to work, you have to work. My original plan was to do a backpacking expedition with some friends to Taman Negara in Pahang. I guess I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a bang, or at least with some unforgettable moments. Have to hold that thought, I will have one whole year in 2011 to do so. When it comes to New Year, most of us will come out with our resolution, what do we want to achieve, some of us managed to stick to plan, some of us just put it on hold day by day before getting to it, and some just fail miserably. Well, I am in all categories, but now, maybe I will not do any resolution, because I don't want them to be just empty wishes and dreams, or I guess I will have them, but discipline myself to stick to it. Whatever my choice is, I know in 2011, I will try my best to be different than I am this year, better, stronger and wiser. And the best thing is I will try to be me... (",)

Single Rocks!!!!!

Different definitions for different people, but it’s something that most women would contemplate, because if a woman is single, people tend to talk, and when men are single no one bothers to say anything negative about that. I was intrigue with this topic because currently I am single, and you won't believe theories that arise because of that status. Well, positive thinking does do wonder when everything else fails. 

Single Rock!!!

"Being single entitles you to not ask someone's opinion before you do something to mess up your own room, your credit report or even your life." - Sayali Patil

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" - Anonymous 

"Girls are like cell phones, they like to be held and talked to, but press the wrong button and you're disconnected. Guys are like buses. If you miss that one, another will be along soon" - Anonymous

I am just being positive. (",)

A different week.

I am starting to enjoy the company here in JB, but there was an issue and it was brought up and I was called by the principal to her office. I was shock for the reason that the accusation was a bit absurd. They don't want to tell the students the truth, which the students will be leaving for Nilai. I was a bit tad surprise because previously it was mention during orientation and the people who mention it shift the blame to me. I don't plan to make enemies, but when push comes to shove, I will push back. It's not a good way to start a new career, it makes me rethink my decision for permanent employment. Freelancing, even though it is hard but I work on my own. Hmm, maybe it’s true, work keeps me happy, and people give me headache and heartache. 

I talk the issue over with a friend, in which she did gave me good advices, a lot. And she has been keeping me sane, even though previously she actively contributes in making me insane. Sometimes good things are just in front of you, you have to look harder just to notice it. It's a different week compared to last week, maybe next week everything would be even better. Keeping my finger cross, and starting countdown for my 31st Birthday...soon. Hopefully it will start with a good news. - Peace - 

My thoughts for the whole week

• If fail to plan, you plan to fail..... (Works need to be structured with deadlines as well as targets, things don't fall on your lap just like that, if you want it, work for it!!!)
• When people are too comfortable in their own comfort zone, changes are a taboo
• Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
• Lesson learnt for today : Trust no one, once your back is turn there will be a person who is waiting just to stab you.
• Works make me happy, people give me heartache and headache.
• Arghhh!!!! Too much drama. Please no more
• Work keep me sane, people just drive me insane!!!!!

Those were my thoughts for the whole week, do the math, what do you think I am feeling now...

Jester of the court.

We are very familiar with the word above; normally we used that word to describe a person who wears lot of masks to hide his or her true self or mirrored something that is different. I am writing this entry out of the curiosity how ignorant can politicians be that they undermine the society train of thoughts. Now they are threatening to abolished or barred or banned even the simplest social networking network because they are unable to control the widespread of ideology that are beginning to arise. Most politicians are making lot of noises instead of sense when this happen they showed the whole world how shallow their train of thoughts is, and how they are not using their GOD giving brain to their fullest capacity. The first mistake they made was, to think that today's society is gullible enough to eat out of their hands. Controversy after controversy reign supreme on our political stage, thus making it a drama worth watching not to see the outcome but just long enough to identify who is the king and who is the jester of the court.