Hospital

"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it" (Erma Bombeck)

I have this certain issue with hospital, its irks me. I guess the trauma of being stuck in a lift with a corpse kinda haunt you for a while. After that, I just don't like them, the smell, the environment, the feeling of having surrounded with people who are bedded, it gives me the feeling of hopelessness, being at on the side line just watching and unable to do nothing BUT I do have the tendency to over think things sometimes, justifying my very useless phobia.

Last night, was an episode at the emergency room, my teammate cum my student accidentally snagged her ear at the volleyball net during practice session. Her earring got stuck between the line thus causing it to cut the earlobe, through and through. I waited for her parents to arrive, her mum took the news positively saying that it is the nature of playing sports, injury does happen. I was there from 10.00 p.m. until 1.00 a.m. settling the necessary documentation of admitting her to the hospital, and waited for her ear to be stitched. 

Well, just a another normal day at work. I hate hospital!!!! I am dreading the notion that I have to go to the hospital this Friday to settle an important issue of my life, no matter what the reason is I STILL HATE HOSPITAL!!!!

Chocolate

"Of all our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language" (Walt Disney)

Tittle : Chocolate
Genre : Action Drama
Release date : 2008
More info : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chocolate_(2008_film)

A movie about an autistic woman who developed martial arts skills by imitating and adapting from what she saw from television as well as her environment. Her main goal was to collect all the money that was owed to her family with the help a childhood friend. A very simple plot, but I can't stop myself watching the movie until the end. Maybe due to the ass kicking action, in which the feet and fist do all the talking.

Despite the lack of advanced and sophisticated technology in movie making, Thai movies do have their own flairs that can attract people to be glued to the screen.

P/s : It is currently being shown on Astro.

Happy

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfection" (Anonymous) 

I hung out with a friend of mine tonight  after my volleyball training. Despite the age difference, he is my best friend (the only guy I consider as a best friend). I can tell him anything, and everything, and he doesn't mind me being a chatterbox, he just listen attentively and respond accordingly but he does share his own point of view on any issue we discuss. In layman's term, I am comfortable being around him. It is hard to find a person who doesn't judge, avoid, even ignore you,  or consider you as a nuisance. I find it is hard to please other to a certain extend we, ourself become dumbfounded . "Ditelan mati emak, diluah mati bapak"

A friend of mine does have a point, what is the used of having to please other when indirectly we are changing, we are not ourselves, but what is the used of being an arse, in the end we are content but alone. What ever the choice is, the important matter would be what makes us happy. 

Malaysia Boleh!!!

Malaysians can do anything once they put their heart into it. They can even fly..... America has Superman and Spiderman, Japan has Ultraman, Malaysia has Cicakman and ......

(December 2010, PD - Seremban Highway)

"Rempit - man" 

Malaysia Boleh!!!

Uncertainty

(3 / 8 / 2010, Le Paris, Port Dickson)

"Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly,
 for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity"

(R.I. Fitzhenry)

Dusk

(3 / 8 / 2010, Le Paris, Port Dickson)

"There is only one day left, always starting over: 

it is given to us at dawn and taken away from us at dusk"

(Jean - Paul Sartre)

Money

(3 / 8 / 2010, Le Paris, Port Dickson)

"Money is like a sixth sense - you can't make use of the other five without it"

(William Somerset Maugham)

Illusion

"There are no facts, only interpretations" (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(3 / 8 / 2010, Le Paris, Port Dickson)

Dreams and Nightmares

"I believe in everything until it is disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It's all exist even, if it's in our mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now? (John Lennon)

Naz : "Ayah, orang nak kawin dengan anak makcik Timah, hari Ahad nie jugak"

Ayah : "Betul nie?"
Naz : "Aah, sekali majlis dengan anak makcik Timah yang lagi sorang"

I was persistent to be wed to my "palings" neighbor son, and I even proposed to the guy myself. I sent one final message to the person whom I really care in hoping the reply would stop me from continuing with my plan, but all I received was silence. I took it as a sign and just continue with the preparation. Due to the reason that the wedding was a joint wedding, the budget was a bit minimum, all the food has been prepared as well as the decoration, I just have to wait for the "akad nikah" and the receptions to be settle and I would be someone's wife. 

Suddenly, I started to have second thought and questioning am I doing the right thing. All I know is that I am doing all this because I don't want to wait for uncertainties anymore and how tired I am with people constantly rubbing it to my face that my life is incomplete without a man. 

I changed my mind, I met the guy and said

Naz : "I don't want to marry you anymore, it's not you, it's your mother, I can't imagine myself to be her daughter in law"

Guy : "It's time to wake up, it is 6.30 a.m" "It's time to wake up, it is 6.30 a.m." "It's time to wake up, it is 6.30 a.m" (my alarm clock)

FUHH!!!!! 

But that was weird macam drama swasta lah pulak, maybe a reminder of gossiping too much about my "palings" neighbor. kuang..kuang..kuang... Whatever the reason is, I am glad that it was only a dream or a very twisted nightmare. THANK GOD!

The "Palings" neighbor

"Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies" (Jane Austen)

Due to the recent outbreaks of weddings in the areas of my neighborhood, my mother and father have contemplate on wedding of their daughters. Peer pressure, I think and all thanks to my neighbor as I like to call the pair as the "Palings neighbor". They seem to be the "palings" in everything and anything, such as the have the "palings" influential daughter in which Jusco would actually close if their daughter misses a day of work, the "palings beautiful daughter - in - law" that married their "palings" handsome son a year ago and recently their "palings" youngest daughter married in the "palings" wedding of the year. They like to parade their first born granddaughter and said that she is the "palings" cutest baby compared to others in the neighborhood. I don't mind if they do that, its their right to say what ever they want to about their children but there is a fine line between being proud or just being obsessed over vanity. And what suck is that they tend to "palings" over influence my parents by questioning why we are not married thus making us the "palings" hottest gossip of the neighborhood. My youngest sister conveyed to me today of my parents concern, now I kinda "palings" dislike my "palings" neighbor for being all "palings sibuk" about our life. Love thy neighbor they say, BUT for me not to the "palings" extend. 

Eye of the beholder.

"Love of beauty is Taste. The creation of beauty is Art" (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I know that commercials or advertisements are design as marketing tools for organizations. Some are humorous, some would make you yawn, like a friend said, whatever works to convey the message. I found this commercial to be picturesque, even though it was directed that way, some of the images if they were still photos I would gawk at them, admiring their beauty as well as the skill of the photographer. 

Super 8

"Bravery is the capacity to perform properly even when scared half to death" - (Omar Bradley.)


Watched this today during chaperoning a date of my team mate with a guy she likes (after a kenduri with baju kurung and all). Interesting movie, combination of transformer + cloverfield + E.T. It started a bit slow, so for those who anticipate actions as well as guts and gore have to wait for a while. But the essence of the story is not the alien, it is more towards the struggle within the characters, in terms of the true value of friendship, acceptance and letting go. 

Heroes come in many shape and sizes and age is just number that sometimes doesn't do justice to the valor of hearts. 

P/s : The children can really act! (",)

This rocks!!!

"The principal marks of genius is not perfection but, but originality" (anonymous)

I would wait to watch this series in front this television without fail. It introduced me to world of espionage, and for me nothing beats the original version in which the authenticity attracts the audience. Now series or movies focus more on the sophistication of the gadgets, the sexiness of the women, the invincibility of the agents, or just blowing up things apart and not to forget the wonderful world of computer generated image or CGI. 

The original Mission Impossible.
This beats Tom Cruise version anytime!

Selective Amnesia

"Let us not suffer from national amnesia that causes us to forget who and what we are" 

(Meir Kahane)

Selective amnesia 

Amnesia about particular events that is very convenient for the person who cannot remember; "Why do politicians always develop selective amnesia when questions about their transgression.

(Source : www.thefreedictionary.com)

Discussion with my best friend lead me to today's entry. I am amazed with the ability of individuals to develop "selective amnesia" especially  when trying to justify or provide reasons of what are being questions to them and act as if it is something unheard of. Common answers would be "Really, I said that", "When did I say that?" & "I would never say that", or making statements or promises or plans then conveniently forget about what has being said, or verbally or non verbally acted out on an individual and expect them to just forget all about it. Those suffering from "selective amnesia" made it impossible to believe or to hold them accountable for anything. 

Please be cautious! "Selective amnesia" can happen to anyone. Watch out for symptoms such as, deflecting issues that are being asked, too overly defensive, and long term avoidance of communication. The result of "selective amnesia" may vary. No cure has been found!

Kinda familiar... most politicians have it, especially after elections are over. 

Sunshine Cleaning

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and start a new ending" (Maria Robinson)

Directed by : Christine Jeffs
Writer : Megan Holley
Stars : Amy Adam, Emily Blunt & Adam Arkin

The movie focuses on the life of Rose Lorkowski (Amy Adams) in her effort of sending her son to a private school. In order to do so, she starts an unusual business - a bio hazard removal / crime scene clean up service with her unreliable sister Norah Lorkowski (Emily Blunt).

A very simple movie that contains lots of values. I am not good at commenting, but for me it defines love above all else. Fatherly loves, sisterly loves, longing for a mother's love, and also the self desire to be loved. 

My day for today.. (Wednesday)

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today" (James Dean)

I had a full day today, with classes, students' programs, volleyball training and ended with the selection for the volleyball team, in which it finished at 11.00 p.m. And the best news is I made the cut for the team!!! hehehehe. Previously during training, I was a bit dishearten with the coach of the girl's team, in which he often criticize me but never the other players that did the same mistakes. He may have his own reasons but I made the selection, so eat your heart out coach!!. I am getting back my groove bit by bit of playing volleyball and now I remembered why I played it before in the first place. I love it because what it pushes me to do, working with other people as a team, embracing criticisms and accepting weaknesses of others, the team is as strong as its weakest link.The best thing about it, is that I am testing my own boundaries, size or height doesn't matter once you set your heart into it. Owh well, enough morale value for today, I am going to sleep with a smile on my face. (",)

p/s : Thanks for reading my blog. The entries are just simple, it may not be poetic, or full of epiphany, or any amazing things to gawk at. But recently jumping from one blog to another made me realize people have their own little reason for writing, and me included. :p

Jar of Hearts

"Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler" 

(Friedrich Nietzsche)

I believe that it is time for me to stop hoping and wishing for something that will never come true. It will only pause my life and make me miss the things that I should feel and experience in the first place. It is time to explore the uncharted world of possibilities. (",). Tho the statements made have nothing to do with the video, I just wanted to share one of my favorite songs. I found the lyrics very poetic. 

I spy with my little eye...

"I've learned you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in"

Today..

I spy with my little eye - skin as fair as snow
I spy with my little eye - smile that makes my heart glows.
I spy with my little eye - someone I would like to get to know

Then

I spy with my little eye - a ring worn on a finger.
I spy with my little eye - my reflection in the mirror, mumbling silently saying "Dammm! Dah berpunya!"

Owh well, I live to spy another day! (",)

Suka hati kau lah labu!

I gave a piece of my mind to my best friend today. Finally she texted me and we had a brief conversation through ym. As usual she still doing what she does best, creating more drama in her life. She said that she knows how to read and judge other people's character and she did all that to know how the person would react. I questioned her, what would be the outcome she expected to receive, instead of answering she deflected that by saying it was no use to talk to me about this issue, because I would be offended as well as too emotional to be rational. Well, I do know one thing, never say that you know how people is, human behaviors are unpredictable, it changes, it fluctuates. So currently she describes herself as a piper playing a tune controlling the mouse every move. For me this is a total crap and also BS, who is controlling who, when you are the one forking up the money as well as planning a romantic getaway or candle light dinner. 

Does it makes me a bad friend by saying that. Anyway, I can't wait for the next episode, all I can say is "Suka hati kau lah labu!!!!"

Final goodbye.

Saying goodbye is the hardest thing, it is true.

I received a phone call from Amir yesterday telling me that someone dear to me has passed away. There and then I froze in acceptance of the news. She was a student that was closed to me since the first day she entered college. I don't know why I was attracted to her, to her tenacity, to her determination, and the vivaciousness of facing the ups and down of her study. I guess because she approached me and seek my advice on how to excel in her study, how to build up her characters, of how to walk out of her shyness. Never once I heard, she used her illness as excuses of not attending classes, of not doing her assignments or participating in activities. She faced it day in and day out with a smile, always with a smile. Battling with acute anemia since she was born, she passed away a month shy of finishing her diploma and 10 days after her 22nd birthday. 

I went to pay my respect to her family in Malacca last night, along with some of her closest friends. I can't hold my tears when her mother started to tell me about her daughter's dream of becoming a doctor, and how her daughter knew that she won't be able to achieve it because of her condition, but it did not stop her from pursuing a career in forensic. The mother said that each night she prayed to Allah to make her daughter healthy again, so that she could pursue her dream, and finally after 22 years of praying so, she stopped and she prayed to Allah for the final time "Ya Allah, Kau lakukan ape yang terbaik pada anak ku, aku redha akan keputusannya". That evening at 4.30, she passed away without any complication.

I never cried so hard for a stranger, but when she walked into my life 3 years ago, she became a part of it. I usually complain when it is period pain, fever or flu, but I should be thankful instead that the pain is only temporary. She faced blood transfusion all her life since she was a baby, and always with a smile and lived her life to the fullest as if she was as healthy as anyone of us. She appreciated her life and what Allah has given her, her strength inspired others.

Her final text to me was a month ago, asking how I was, am I doing well, and when will we meet up again to hang out for drinks or just a chat and how much she misses me, and I replied "soon". Out of the busyness of work I forgot all about it, until last night, the only words that I can tell her was the recitation of "Surah Yassin", and that was my final goodbye.

Is it owkey or not owkey?? That is the question.

morning people.. I'd like to ask for ur opinion..it's a what if situation here... nothing serious ok... :). If your partner (bf / fiancee / hubby) raised his hand or hit u in the head of anger, would you consider to share your life with him? I am just wondering.. (posted by a friend of mine, 9.55 a.m. 11th June 2011)

A friend of mine posted this on her facebook wall asking opinion of others, I gave my opinions, stating that;

"If a boyfriend hits you, it is a foreshadowing of what to come, if a fiancee hits you, it is something you should consider, if a husband hits you, it is time to walk away".

"Hitting should never be used to justify any reasons whatsoever".

Maybe my opinion are biased due to the feminism in me, but I never view hitting a person as a solution for anything. As for my two cents about her, I believe that she is in denial and trying hard to find the justification of the action that has been done because she questions all the opinions that were given. She doesn't accept when people say that it is not right to do so, she wanted further clarification and explanation. I guess she is looking for a specific answer that saying hitting is owkey to do, if it is being done by your love one. There is no such thing as love is blind, the only thing that is blind is the person who is using love as excuses to endure anything and to get away with everything. These people above all else like Bon Jovi said "You give love a bad name".

Self conscious prick..hehe

When my third sister started to lose weight, it changes my mum's perception that being thin is beautiful, she started to nag me about losing weight too. I am a very active person, I jog at night, I play volleyball, sometimes I go to the gym, I do go trekking and mountain climbing when I have time and believe it or not, I don't eat much. This contradict to what my sister is doing, she is losing weight by using a traditional product, and it works, thus making my mum to constantly remind me to do same. Honestly, sometimes I do contemplate to put myself through what my sister is doing, but most the time I just ignore it. What is the use of being thin but not fit, you look beautiful but you don't have stamina. I don't blame my mum, we are living a very '"rupalistik" society, where women are always objectified by advertisements that emphasize that beauty of a woman is by how they look.

I accept how I look, for me I look beautiful and sexy. I carry myself like it is nobody's business. 

And I am writing this entry because today the "makciks" here at my office, reminded me how beautiful I am. Everytime I wear my corporate attire (blouse, slacks and heels), they would pat my back, and said, 'Anak nampak cantik bangat!" Kinda boost my self confident towards my own physical appearance. Hahaha...And it really made my day. (",)

I may not beautiful for some, but there are others who thinks that I am just perfect the way I am. 

Guys, too easy or too complicated to understand.

Had breakfast with an officemate this morning, the guy that I am currently "fishing" a.k.a innocently flirting (testing the theory :p). We talked about a lot of things, especially his way of calling me "kakak", since we are only a year apart, I said to him that I prefer if he calls me by my name and he agreed, so the conversation continued with no formality, just "aku" and "kau" sahaja.  He is out of a two year relationship and currently looking forward to be in one soon (we bet that he will only last 3 months without a gf.. jahatkan!!) because he is the type of guy that has to be in a relationship, but he is choosy with whom he wants it to be with, so he is casting his net a bit wide. He told me that he is texting with lot of ladies too, but he has set his eye on a mutual friend of ours, because for him, if that lady say no, he can just fall back to 2nd best. He is not a firm believer on "the best man win" theory. He would treat every women as if he wants to be in a relationship with them, when one fails, he will never run out of choices, but if one shows interest but not to his preferences, he would just walk away. The woman can not be too old, must be younger than him, cause that is the terms that was set by his family. He doesn't mind a woman who works but he prefer that his wife would stay home and look after his children, that would make him much more happier. 

From the conversation, I think I can guess where my standing would be if I was in his list (which I rather not be) I would be the bottom last. Owh well.... I've done fishing him, moving on...NEXT PLEASE!

Cats

Found this while facebooking, kinda cute.

Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil and cruel. 

True they have other fine qualities as well.

(Missy Dizzick)

Mistaken Identity

This evening when I was doing my work, suddenly I received a text inviting me to a "kenduri" this Friday at 2.00 p.m. Due to the reason that I have changed my service provider, most of the numbers I saved previously are not in my sim card, neither are they in my phone. I replied back with questions that may hint me who was the person texting me, I checked all sources to identify the number, but with no avail. So to cut the conversation short, I just respond accordingly. 

Naz : "InsyaAllah, orang akan datang kenduri, siapa lagi yang datang?"

??? : "Siapa lagi nak jemput??"

Naz : "Entah, sape2 lah...hehehe, saje je tanya"

??? : "Jangan lupa bawak Fiza"

Naz : "Fiza mane???"

??? : "Jap, sape nie??"

The sender of the invitation called me and started to ask who I was. I explained to her my current location and employment, and so did she. After a few minutes of trying to determine who I was and who she was, she turn out to be my ex-colleague from my previous part-time employment, she thought that I was Nazmi, her brother because she saved my name under Naz. 

Ceh! Menghabiskan kredit je. 

Moral of the story : I would have save a lot if I asked who she was in the first place instead of trying to play detective. Hahahaha. Padan muka!

My big mouth!

After work, I went for my volleyball training and as usual I suck. Hehehe. During training, a jogger actually stopped and stared at me and called out my name. I stood there, looking at her trying to jog my memory, she called again and only then I remembered, she was my ex-school teacher, she taught me "Bahasa Malaysia" when I was in form 4 and form 5, and she was also my advisor when I was the school head librarian. We chatted for a while, she asked about my current whereabouts and said I haven't changed much. Before parted ways, she asked me a very familiar question, "Dah kawin belum nie?" and straight away I answered "No" and did not stop there, my big mouth continued the statement with, "Cikgu carikkan lah untuk saya", she looked at me directly and said, "Nanti Cikgu carikkan, serious nie". I excused myself, I walked away, smiled and thinking "Me and my big mouth!"

What gives????

Kelab taat suami?

"Seorang isteri yang baik adalah pekerja seks yang baik bagi suami mereka" "Seorang isteri perlu menjadi seorang isteri yang baik sampai bila - bila. 

Jika terjadi padanya sebagai contoh didera, mereka perlu memikirkan bahawa ini adalah ujian dari Allah kepada mereka". (Dr. Rohaya Mohamad, Vice President of Kelab Taat Suami) 

Hmm, what would be the proper reaction to this? My first reaction was, what the h***. How come even in this era people still have the mentality that women are to be the one responsible when their husbands cheat, when they wanted to marry more than one, that the in order for a marriage to work the sexual needs of a husband must be put as the first priority, and it is owkey to be abused as if it's the part and parcel of married life.

I am not married but  I do view marriage as a sacred bond between two individuals that have equal share in making it work or am I aiming something that is too unrealistic. Must all the blames be put on women if a marriage fail, and that men do not contribute to any of the reasons.  

Malaysians do come out with interesting clubs and what would be next, "Kelab Poligami Malaysia", so just wait and see. 

Playground politics

I can't remember much about my playground politics. Being an army brat kinda limit the numbers of politics that I can actually be involved in. Moving from one state to another state taught me not to attach myself to anyone, so that it will make the separation more bearable. Well, I do remember boys vs girls games, my mum is better than your mum argument (vice versa), and just bragging if you do this, I've done better.

Today, while cleaning up the front yard, accidentally I eavesdropped on the conversation of some of the neighborhood's children, the topics were not far off from my time but it is more advanced in others. The children  are around the age of 7 to 11 years old, and they were talking about boyfriends, girlfriends, and even contemplating whether the other girls were wearing bras or not and the language was a bit fowl. I stopped doing what I was doing and stood there with a confuse expression on my face, and thinking, should I be worried if children in that age are talking about that...???

Pirates much????

Never put high expectation on movies especially if it is a sequel. I learnt that tonight. I went with a friend "A"to watch the highly anticipated movie, that everyone keep buzzing, saying that it is awesome, 5 out 5, the best one ever. I don't know why I sat for 2 hours and half just to be disappointed and constantly checking my watch when is this movie going to end. As much as I would love to blame the volleyball that hit my head during this evening training for my blurness of watching the movie, but that would be unfair. The movie fell short, everything is predictable from the way the main characters act until what is the next action, I can even guess the ending before it actually ends. Hmmm, sorry to say that this movie will not be in my favorite or to remember list. 

But, I have to say that the most memorable scene would be the attack of the mermaids, even though it closely resemble as a school of piranha attacking its food. So, by saying that, owh yes, the movie that I am talking about would be "Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger tide". I laughed more by watching Karak then this, something must be wrong with me.

Ants

(5 / 3 / 2011, Gunung Dato' Rembau)

People, chained by monotony, afraid to think, clinging to uncertainties .... they live like ants.

(Bela Lugosi)

Innocent flirting a.k.a fishing

Currently that was the advice given by a colleague of mine to innocently flirt with one of the lecturer here who is currently single. I told her that I am not good at flirting so just to humor her (and me) I asked her to share her tips and trades (don't intend to practice pun). So here are the tips that she shared with me.

a) Start to approach him through his friends, see what is  his dislike or likes (setting up baits)

b) Strike a conversation with him about something that is of interest to him, and play it as if you don't know anything about the topic at all. - no one likes a know it all. (Throw the lines)

c) Find ways to encourage him to talk more and you listen, laugh at his jokes, and show that you are interested. (Wait patiently)

d) If you have his number, starts with neutral texting first before showing him or signaling him that you are interested in him. (Once hooked reel him in).

The best one is, don't flirt with just one, flirt with everyone, one would bound to get tangled. 

I just smile through out the conversation, but once I was in my car, I laughed my head off, for me I am single, but I am not that desperate, and that it is not my cup of tea. But it was fun listening to her and imagining that getting a man is not far from fishing.

So ladies, Lets go fishing!!!!!!! (gelak golek2)