Through the eye of a lens

"When you photograph people in color you photograph their clothes"

"But when you photograph people in black and white, you photograph their souls!" 

(Ted Grant)

Me and my "tikus"

I like mouse, I find it quite adorable. 

My first pets were baby mice, my dad "accidentally" killed the mother, so I kept the babies.A friend of mine wanted to see them but she warded off my hand and ran away screaming, splatt! goes the babies. Then when I was in matriculation, I took care of my friend's white mice (bear in mind she was science major). At first it was only two, then someone left a bunch of them in front of my doorstep with a note, "Please take care of them, thank you". So I had more than 6 mice. I have to go back one weekend, and I left them with a friend, who later told me, a cat ate my mice, and all she can see was a tail dangling from the cat's mouth. In my previous workplace I was the one who will catch the mouse while most of my colleagues would be standing on the chair screaming. Today, my sister screamed so loud, that I rushed down to see, she was pointing at a not so dead mouse. I picked it up and put it back in the drain.  

Before the commotion I was chatting with my friend, after putting the mouse away I continued my conversation, and she asked me

Kak Zack : "Ade lecturer English tak?"

Naz          : "Aah, ada tikus"

Kak Zack : ??????????????

"Mouse..mouse..here, mouse..mouse..there, mouse, mouse, everywhere...." hehehehehe

I cried

I was browsing my own facebook albums, then I clicked at an album with pictures of happy moments, smiling faces. I smiled at the comments, and suddenly I felt tears trickling down my cheeks.At times I contemplated of deleting the album, even unfriend her on facebook, but some many times I found myself looking at her facebook wall, with people commenting how much they miss her. 

I still kept all her facebook messages, this year July would mark 1 year of her passing, she passed away 10 days after her 22nd birthday.

And this roller coaster of emotions comes from a person who was not even related to me.

Is it worth it?

I am not insensitive I am just being patience.

I said this sentence so many times, to a lot of people, in a lot of situations and for various reasons. Most of it so that they know they are about to push my patience to the limit. I prefer not to orally express my anger aggressively towards an individual, I would structure my sentence so that people would think twice to say things that they may regret saying. I guess the older I get the more I am prone not to act according to rage but more on being rational about it. Most people I encounter deal with their anger issue differently, such as taking up sports, find peace in religious activities, having the comfort of their love ones, and there are those who prefer physically abusing themselves, and others, which is a serious issue to be dealt with.

Every time that you feel like your are going to explode, take a step back, close your eyes, take a deep breath, count to 10, exhale and open your eyes. Then think again, is it worth it to lose your anger? 

Tantrum

I am not good at handling tantrum, because as far as I can remember I don't throw tantrum that much even when I was growing up. When I see children throw tantrum in public, I only imagine how the parents would feel, like Sue said "Never look, they are uncomfortable enough as it is". But when someone almost my age throws tantrum, I would say "Owh, please grow up". Throwing tantrum is of the way to seek for attention, it is  a desperate move of saying "Look at me! Look at me!" 

Skeleton in the closet

Everyone has something to hide, a shameful past, a painful present, or an unbearable future. I watched a television series the other night and the grandmother said "Not everything should be shared, that is why they are called secrets". Unfortunately, suppressing the secret is hard, it eats you alive to the extend for some you would consider an option that is taboo in every religion. However being upfront about the secret bears a more undesirable consequences.

A friend said every individual has his / her problems and challenges. You can just keep the skeleton in the closet or open the door wide open.Whatever it is a choice has to be made, once you have made it there is no turning back.  

Simple is the new black

I brought "bee" to a restaurant somewhere near where I work. I don't eat what they are serving, not because the food is not good, just it doesn't suit my palate. We ordered "Udang masak sambal petai", "ayam goreng kampung" and "sambal belacan", even though being a picky eater "bee" managed to clear all those dishes, so that is quite a benchmark for how good the food is. 

I have issues with what I eat since I was young, I don't eat vegetable because the color is green, I don't eat tempoyak, sambal belacan, budu, and all types of shellfish, I don't even go for "rendang" or curry. My mum often tease me, saying "Anak mat salleh celup". When I was growing up the simplest food my mum prepared was the best, she would do Butter Fried Rice, or just fried egg, over rice and 'kicap" , fried chicken or "tempe", that alone would have kept me contented the whole day.

Until now, rice with fried egg and soy sauce will triumph over all those delicacies. Like my friends always say "Hilang nikmat hidup", but like I always say "Ada aku kisah, it's my stomach not yours".   

p/s: To snuze, may & zue, get ready, since you guys like good food, I would love to bring you guys there "Restoran tepi kubur".. hehehe.

Men vs Women

Age old question...Usually who will win..*wink**wink*

Revenge of the mouse!!

Cat : O.M.G...Get away from me your are scaring me...get away..get away...get away...

Mouse : Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Get ready cat....It's revenge time!!!!


This is me with nothing better to do...hehehehehehe

Argh!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is me venting out over the things that happened last week and this week that push my patience to the max. I feel like climbing on top of the highest mountain and scream until my lung explode.

Owkey done. Slap a smile and go on with my day.

Accident yet again...

My previous accident was 5 months ago, officially 3 years after the date that I bought my car.  Unfortunately for me, that wasn't really the last one. Last Friday, after my training was cancelled, I was involved in an accident a three car pile up (last time pun 3 cars jugak) this time I was sandwiched between a Nissan and a Toyota. When the incident occured the owner of the Nissan walked out and started shouting at me for hitting his car, much to his amaze I wasn't the cause of his cursing diction. We drove our car to the side and I started asking him his reason for his abrupt stop. He said a red car swerved dangerously in front of his car, and that is the reason why he  stepped on the break thus causing the chain reaction. I went to his car and started checking whether his family was hurt or not, then the driver of the Toyota arrived and demand an explanation from the uncle for his action. The driver was slightly injured with bruises and cuts, then I just ran to the Toyota to check whether the passenger was owkey. She was shacking and traumatized by the incident, but still she managed to answer my questions. All of us agree to make a police report and personal information was exchanged. My car was towed, so were the others, and the whole thing lasted for few more hours.  

A workshop guy looked at me and said "Wah!! akak nie memang hebat lah, accident masih lagi steady, kebanyakkan perempuan, mesti dah nangis dah nie.." I looked at him and said, "I had a lot of practice". Now I can only imagine the looks on my friends faces when the news spreads  "Ko accident lagi!! cari jambatan dan pergi mandi bunga jelah" or "that is a sign for you to sell your car".

English.

Even English has its concept. My students came out with after two weeks in my class. 

And yes, they agreed that English is easy. 

Welcome

The first customer of the day. Even cats need to be pampered. 

Sunday...

Ahhhhhh.............it's Sunday

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"We are willing to forgive her and take her back"

I laughed out loud when akak said that this lady (this entry) said that. She dropped me out of the program, she went to complaint and bad mouthing me to the upper management, until they even requested to review my personal file from HR. And now is the 2nd term of her project she wants all of us back and even me, and said it is all water under the bridge, well, that is her bridge not mine. 

She looked down on me when I questioned about the software she was so keen to promote. As far as I can remember since the day she made my life a living hell, I never crawled and begged to be forgiven. Well at least "akak" did something right for a change by saying "If you want naz you have to come and ask her yourself". Knowing her (this lady), only when "cats grow horn" jelah. 

Wake up!!

Last semester I did not achieve my target. Maybe I am putting too high of expectation on myself to perform. I was juggling with workload, assignments, lectures, classes, family and my relationship. And perhaps what a friend said is true 'Sibuk bercinta'..hahahaha. Honesty that part helps to encourage me more. I guess I was shocked and trying to find my rhythm of going back to school. And this semester, it will never get easy, but achieving my target is not impossible. Wake up naz!!! and smell the books!!! Study time. 

Books!Book!Book! My textbooks for this semester

Sunset

When I was driving back home two days ago, I was compelled to take picture of the sun setting.

 "Peace.... is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank".
"The sunrise is Gods greeting, the sunset is his signature"
(Unknown) 

"Negaraku"

Negaraku

Tanah Tumpahnya darahku,

Rakyat hidup

bersatu dan maju,

Rahmat bahagia

Tuhan kurniakan,

Raja kita

selamat bertakhta,

Rahmat bahagia

Tuhan kurniakan.

Raja kita

selamat bertaktha

Taboo

Today in class I talked about things just to gauge my students perception on certain issues that seldom been discussed. We discussed on sexual harassment & rape. Most of them were even shy to say "breast" or "genital" and even "vagina" they replaced it with "tuut" "teeet" and "tutetet" (quote unquote). At the beginning it was funny replacing the terms but then we started to discuss seriously on rape, should we blame the victim. Early in the discussion most of their thought were more towards how appearance is the major contributor to rape, and woman should be blame for what they wear. We discussed further until one of the student finally said, "If it is rape, it is not consensual, victim should never be blame based on what they wear". I saw some of my students started to nod in agreement, then they even agreed that it is hard for the victim to actually face society because of our mentality, that most cases were not reported because of pride and  the negative perceptions that our society hold towards rape victims. They agreed that support should be given to victims to report the rape. 

I was sad at first seeing my students initial respond towards the issue, how closed minded they were, and how lack of empathy they have towards the victims.. but after the discussion they were able to come to a conclusion that for me there is hope for our future generation to be more emphatic towards sensitive issues. Nothing is taboo to be discussed if we are able to discussed it rationally rather than blindly follow what has been preached  by the law of man.