Who am I?

Many people would give you the witty answer for that question, that would be check your I.C. Some may laugh others may smile sneakily and maybe say "What a dumb question...” But until now, we do surprise ourselves with our actions and our train of thoughts if we are facing different situations or scenarios. Maybe we don't even know and understand who we are until now. 

Well, today, I was busy the whole day, nonstop driving, going up and down stairs, talking to people, justifying actions and etc. just to settle everything before I am off to Johor. Work, work, work and a lot of work... it was tiring but I was relief that I managed to settle everything without any problems or issues, despite the heavy pounding headache. When we push ourselves we may be surprise with the outcome. 

Johor here I come, I may not know for how long but I will make the best of  it. (",)

Innocent and not yet corrupted

Today, I went with a friend of mine to her daughter kindy convocation. Nowadays even kindergarten has their own convocation, with certificate and awards. It was interesting to see all the children singing and dancing, and having the time of their life. They were willing to do anything and wear anything for the sake of doing performances in front of their parents and enjoying doing it. The laughter off the innocents. We used to be that way when we were young, nothing on our mind except friends and having fun, and showing off how cool we were with the simplest of gadgets. Now, we would never do what we did, we would decline to sing or speak in front of audience, we would rather shake our head and stomp our feet than having to wear any costumes that we perceive as stupid. This is just a personal point of view, I think we were more in control of our feelings and ourself confident when we were young, but when we grow up, that confident seem to decrease,  and other are controlling how we feel and how we should act. Hmmmm, well were we were innocent back then and not yet corrupted. 

Thank you ALLAH

Some who knows me, maybe curious on the reasons for the topic above; they may say that it’s not like me. Why am I writing this entry? It is because I have been given the opportunity to teach a very unique individual, a 12 years old girl. Teaching her has open my eyes a lot on the will power that an individual has, sometimes they can and they will push themselves to the limit if they are given the equal opportunity. To be treated just like any other individual, and not see them for their uniqueness but look at them for their ability and the knowledge they have. Because of her, I am thinking of equipping myself with the proper skills to approach her, to ensure that she can understand my teaching as well  communicate with me effectively. I do thank ALLAH for this opportunity and I am very grateful, this will open a whole new world for me to venture. I am teaching a very strong, happy and cheerful girl, who is unable to enjoy sounds as we enjoyed them. 

Argh!!!

Argh!!! Word that is currently on my mind right now, because today I met with a lot of insensitive people, some are close to me, others just strangers on the road. Trying my best to control my temper because I am easily agitated and words that will come out of my mouth will affect my mood for the rest of the day. Hmm, patience is a virtue, but it also has its limit. Like Bruce Banner a.k.a. THE HULK always says "Don't make me angry, you would not like me if I am angry".

Along the way (past / present and future)

Today, my day was very hectic. I went to settle a program for a friend of mine, encouraging students that English can be fun. Even though there a lot of things can be avoided, because I almost lost my voice, most of the students showed that they had fun, with the tongue twister games, and also a new module that I design. After the program, I rushed back home, changed my cloth and went for an interview. While waiting for my turn, I made a new friend and his name is Chris. The best part was, we talked about Malaysia film industry and he asked me who are my favorite directors, I said Yasmin Ahmad, Afdlin Shauki and Mamat Khalid, and to my amazement he talked about the directors as if he had known them for a long time. He commented about the movie they directed and he really knows his stuff, we talked more about Yasmin Ahmad's films. Both of us agree that Razak Mohideen's movies are not our cup of tea, a joke without an interesting punch line. What amaze me is that he is a Chinese man, but his knowledge about Malaysia film industry especially on Malay movies surpass anyone I ever met, and for a guy to start a conversation like that and shared opinion intellectually and looking at things from a different perspectives is hard to find.  

After the interview, I went to pick up my sister, but before that I met with an old friend, Jue. We talked about our past, present and future life and what struck me is that she can never let go of the past, and it haunts her until now. She keep repeating “Why don't people like me back then?", "Why can't they accept me?" I don't have any issues with her, for me she is a good friend, but a typical engineer, not that people oriented. I avoided most of the question because for me it was in the past, seeing how much the past affected her, made me feel how childish most of my friends were to act that way, but we were immature at that time, we think with our hearts not with our brains.

It was an interesting day, because it acts as a reminder for me that along the way we will meet a lot of people with different personalities and perception, and those people will play even a small significant roles in our life. Everyone is a teacher, because realize it or not, they do teach us directly or indirectly.

Indecisive

That's all I can say. To work full time or not to work full time? Maybe people may say that I am very indecisive, changing my mind a lot, maybe true, but they are not in my shoe or in my place. What I can say is sometimes sacrifice has to made in order for the big picture to come true, and trust me when I say that, my language center will be a reality.. (",)

Do you THINK IT'S FAIR!!!!!!!!

Do you think it's FAIR....

For being quiet,

For not replying my text or picking up my phone calls,

For me to hear you cry and not able to do anything,

For ignoring me and hope that I forget all about you,

For being your friend and only to be told our friendship means NOTHING,

For you to be so fucking SELFISH,

For you to tell me you try to KILL yourself but you FAIL,

For me to be at the end of the line just to hear you say GOOD BYE,

For you to tell me LIFE isn't FAIR, and DEATH is the only SOLUTION,

For you to commit SUICIDE and LEAVE me..

Do you think it's FAIR, tell me do you think it's FUCKING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!! IT ISN’T FAIR!!

Series of unfortunate events

2nd day of court, and voila...settle it in 5 minutes. I paid the summons and everything was back to normal. But in order to get to court today, lot of events occurred and almost impede in settling the issue. Chronologically these happened this morning. (In 2 hours time)

• Woke up
• My tummy hurts and still hurts to the max (back and forth to the toilet numerous times)
• Ironed my baju kurung
• My cat mistaken my comforter and bed sheet for its toilet.
• Got ready in a rush, shoved the comforter and bed sheet in the washing machine (thank God for technology)
• Drove to court with 45 minutes to spare. (But cross path with a lot of ignorance drivers)
• Arrived at the court house, and realized that I left my wallet in the pocket of my blazer.
• Started my car, rushed back home, got my wallet and dropped my key in the drainage.
• Drove back again to court (still a lot of ignorance driver).
• Arrived 10 minutes late.
• Snagged my baju kurung in the toilet.
• Paid the summons, went back home and spend half an hour trying to fish my key out of the drainage.

I am not a firm believer of luck or superstitions, so call it bad luck if you may but for me it’s just a series of unfortunate events. And I am glad that it is over.

Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit. (R.E. Shay)

Push or not to push?

I am a bit blur in giving the title for today's entry, because the "thing' that was supposed to be settle, cannot be settle fully due to technicality. So, it spoils my mood as well as my expectation. I was in court today to settle my summons, arrived early and waited patiently for my turn. I waited for 2 hours before I realize that the numbers of people were decreasing and it still wasn't my turn. To my surprise, the court officer informed me that I have to come back again tomorrow because the lawyer did not realize that he was missing my case. So, what can I say and what I can I do...I walked out of the court room and went straight to the gym to blow off some steam. I guess some people if they were in this situation would react to show their disappointment, either physically or just verbally. Do I need to be more assertive? Do I need to be more vocal? In my mind during that time were owh, just owh... (A three letter word that has no meaning).

Imagine if we are getting paid each and every time our life was turn upside and inside out because of someone else screw up, I bet most Malaysians would be a millionaire. Or maybe this is come to show that we need to take action and not let people push us down.

“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude”. Maya Angelou

Point to ponder (Sitting on the sideline)

Some people look down on others by thinking that they are better, some people are misusing the power they have to enforce their beliefs and opinion, some are showing that they control the environment, and biasness is not an issue if they are the one applying it. It is true that justice is blind, because I am sitting on the sideline and looking at the "appreciation" given to those who really deserve it... None... And how it is given to those who talk the talk instead of walk the walk... Words speak louder than action..... Ironic?

My promise

I kinda being occupied about myself lately, maybe because I have come to a point that any justification about life can be tiring, sometimes we just should let things happened without trying too hard to hold on. I promise myself to write often but as usual I broke my promise.

Another phase of my life...Now, since I am working own my own, freelancing, doing part time teaching jobs, I have a lot of time in my hands. Never felt this way before, previously, being too occupied in the past has become a part of my life, now it seems different. Awkward...I feel like a baby trying to walk for the first time (hahahaha, so cliché.) Well, certain things have changed; I am more health conscious, learning to say NO to those leeches who sucks me dry previously. And believe me sometimes being mean and haughty seem to have its advantages... And I am putting my feet down on certain issues of my life...

Anyway, here goes the promise again... "I will try to write more entries in my blog... Crossing my fingers..

Sunday

It's a day before Monday, most of us would dreaded Sunday, it means our day off is about to come to an end. I am relief that it's going to be Monday tomorrow, because I need to settle an issue that has been bugging me for sometimes. I have nothing against government servants, I have the utmost respect for them, but the problem is that the service that they offer does not mirror the respect that they should be given. I am not talking about all, only some, like they say "Kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga". I have tried to control my temper as well as my manner when dealing with the front liners but sometimes they irritate me so much that I gave up in doing the right thing. I have to settle my summons (parking summons) instead of paying it, I end up listen to lectures by the front liners how much I deserve to get sue, yada,yada,yada,yada, that alone wasted 15 minutes of my time. I know I am wrong I do not need some overpaid clerk to remind me and act so damm righteous. Some people may act righteous but in reality are they one? 

But whatever it is, I am not going to let that ruin my Sunday... (",). Even cats know what Sunday means, sleeping, relaxing and chilling with family.

IT the Clown

I will never forget this movie as long as I live..

In the 1990's, this movie was the scariest of all, it gave me nightmares. I guess Pennywise the Dancing Clown can be considered as an icon of horror movie.

Written by : Stephen Kings

Directed by : Tommy Lee Wallace

Interesting...

Eat, Pray and Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something"

Eat, Pray and Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)... Love the movie, Adore the book. 

A story about a woman's journey in finding herself, and throughout the process she founds how relationship can be formed by food, how life is view in being religious, and how love can exist in the most unusual circumstances.

A must have and a must watch for those who are in search of themselves. TWO thumbs up...

Kenduri oh Kenduri!!!

Accompanied my mum to a "Kenduri" today, due to the reason all my sisters were occupied with their agenda. Not looking forward to it, but I have no choice, go or fasting for a month (my mum would sulk and not cook). It was a "Cukur Jambul" kinda a function of welcoming new born to the family, I may sound like a non-supporter of customs or adat, but it becomes a nuisance when the function is prolong for hours and hours, a lot of unnecessary things were done to make the function complete. I know that the parents of the baby was planning to do something simple, just a "doa selamat", but in respecting the elderly they agreed to do the full package (not a wise choice, I think). Most of the guests who were not in the house, left early, and some of them did not eat, it was too long to wait, and being Malay, we prefer to wait for the function to end then we eat (respecting the custom). I guess the younger generations are not that into custom or adat, maybe because some of the customs can be skipped, "Tak buat tak pe bukan wajib pun". Now I do agree with my friend, some things are unnecessary but it is up to us to choose which one, not abandon all of them or just following it blindly. 

And the saying...”Biar mati anak Jangan mati adat", need to be revised, if the "anak" dies who is going to continue the adat... (",). Choose wisely.

What to write?

What to write...hmmm...thinking..thinking...thinking? thinking? thinking,thinking,thinking,......thinking..thinking..thinking..thinking! thinking! thinking! thinking!thinking, thinking,thinking, THINKING, THINKING!!! THINKING!!! Thinking..thinking..thinking...thinking..thinking... still thinking, still thinking, still thinking.... thinking..thinking... AHAAA!!! EUREKA!!!!! well, this is also an entry... (",)