Finally

A word that brought smile to me for the past 2 days.  I can only share that by saying finally, I am complete. Like I said previously there is always a piece of puzzle that seem to be missing from our life. We search for it high and low, sometimes we make mistake in order to learn, and sometimes we will meet the wrong person before we meet the right one. And everything starts to fall into places, we either silently or loudly would utter the FINALLY. 

And this is what I am doing now.

Drama! Drama! and more drama!!!!

I went to JB last Monday, accompanying my Head of Program in auditing the language department of my previous attachment. Believe it or not, the bitches and backstabber were angels on that day, the force smiles and fake hospitality, as if it was a different place the last time I've been there, even my boss was surprise. The visit was to help JB to upgrade the standard of the language department as well as to assist the lecturer that replaces me since he was trying his best to survive. I introduced my head to the administration, and she went to continue interviewing them in order to get a clearer picture of the situation, last was an interview session between her and the new lecturer. It was more towards heart to heart talk, in which he poured his heart and he even cried. A man cried, for me that is an indication how bad the place is or just a sign that men now are more open with their feelings, or maybe both. 

The future generations now are more open with how they feel, some of them even believe that it is not wrong for men to cry and for women to lead, equal justice and education for all level despite gender, race and religion. The funny thing about the auditing and the visit was, you can see how pretentious a person can be, how hypocrite and how low they would actually put their standard just to please individuals that have the final say. And trust me, when it comes to drama and putting a facade, it also applies the motto of ONE MALAYSIA.

Merong Mahawangsa.

I watched this movie with my entire family last week. We never actually had the opportunity to do so because with the hectic work schedule of my siblings as well as having my third sister working in Sarawak. So that Wednesday was the first movie night we ever had as a family, it was fun. Having my dad talking about how he was impress with the movie and my mum also commenting about the actor and actress (of course). For me, Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa, is an amazing attempt by any local movie maker to set the bar high for Malaysia Film Industry. Previously we were given movies with cliché' topics, predictable plots and unnecessary scenes and negative worded dialogs that are now being followed by most children. So a fresh perspective on history portrait in the movie should be praised and given awards for the effort shown. Maybe there is hope for Malaysians to make movie that are at international standard. And maybe perhaps the younger generations is beginning to open up more to literary works, and be critical in terms of thinking. Take for example Interlok novel; people who are making a big fuss of it are not the children who are learning from the book. The novel itself portrait the previous life and perceptions of people during that generation, if it is the truth, there is no harm in reading and understanding rather than trying to make everything political. 

Just my personal point of view. Thinking of making movie night as often as I can.

Life

Life is complicated as it is, sometimes the complication is added by things that are unpredictable, a no string attached relationship may sound haven but there also excess baggage, friends with benefit are all over us, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes we turn a blind eye because for us we are doing the right thing in helping our friends but in the end we are the one having to bear the heartache, what about having skeletons in the closet? I often tried my best to be there for my students, for them to confide, for them to tell their story, for them to be heard, I know the feeling of unable to think straight and crack under peer pressure, choosing the wrong friends, and making mistake. I choose not to burden my family with my problems when I was studying; I worked to earn some extra money, for books and so on. My dad taught us that nothing in this world comes for free, if you want something so bad, work for it, and be proud your achievement. 

I am doing the same with my students showing them that, even though they are learning in private institution they have an equal fighting change for a good education and a good life, everything is based solely on making the right choice. I became who I am with the choices I made, I made mistake, I am still paying for it now, but I know I will survive. 

Believe it or not, having someone in our life, the one we can talk to, the one we can confide, makes that journey a bearable one. It can be a friend, it can be family and it can also be a love one.

- No title -

It has been two weeks since my last entry, and in those 2 weeks a lot of things happened. I met with my former lecturer, Puan Juridah (she inspired me a lot), in which she is my referee in my future venture to further my master. She gave me lots of great advices especially about my personal life. It was an enlightened conversation because she commented from different point of views, especially when I told her that I enjoyed my life being single. We talked about her life too, and I mentioned to her about my interest to help her with her upcoming literature camp. She is a nice and awesome woman but always misjudges and misinterpret due to her eccentric ways of teaching. I guess my love for literature existed because she showed me the ways of appreciating literary work of arts. 

Last Saturday, I climbed dato' with my students, with the height of 884 above sea level, Dato' was quite a challenge. It was an eye opening experience because I learnt about my own self weaknesses, and I vouch to come back and conquer Dato' again. I do hope that the experience of climbing that mountain would bring an epiphany to my students that nothing is easy in life, the journey maybe rough, it may even breaks us physically and mentally but when you reach the top, nothing beats that feeling of achievement. Plus they can admire nature's beauty. 

I know this entry maybe a bit "poyo" or even boring, well it is my blog by the way, I am just sharing what I feel and what are my thoughts. Read it and enjoy or you can just click next. It's your choice.... heee

Secret of the January babies..

It may sound like a title for a movie, or a book for teenagers, not really it is just something that a person tagged me on facebook. The study on our attitudes and behaviors based on the month we were born. There are a lot of studies that were done for that theory, so I am just sharing what Dato' Fadzilah has concluded for those who were born in January. Whether to believe it or not depend on individual. 

January born

1. Highly ambitious, serious, like to teach and be taught (Well now I am a lecturer)

2. Easy in identifying other people weaknesses and like to critic (so true)

3. Hardworking and tend to bring profit in whatever they do. (Still pokai je)

4. Attracted to beauty, neatness and organization (I am an avid supporter of chaos theory)

5. Suave (?????)

6. Sensitive and tend to think too critically and too in depth. (yup..ngee).

6. Timid unless provoke (hmmm……)

7. Shy and has a high level of concentration (Anyone think this is true, raise your hand)

8. Easily to discipline oneself (Army brat  - has a lot of practice in this)

9. Healthy body but has a high tendency for flu. (Healthy body…sngt2)

10. Romantic but reserved (Am I?)

11. Love children (Children do not like me)

12. Homely type (When I am financially decapitated)

13. Loyal in everything (Undeniable)

14. Need to learn social skills (Guess so)

15. Jealousy at its best. (Never has the chance to test this theory)

Most of the traits mention may describe me indirectly but if you asked me, I may say it differently, if you asked other, they may have a different answer. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", - so the most beautiful thing about you is you.

Always the Bridesmaid never the Bride.

What is so wrong with being opinionated, with being independent? I am tired of people passing me off just because of that reason, especially in my relationship. "It's not you, it's me", “We can be best of friend but we can never be a couple" "I care for you but not too that extend", after constantly asking for the real reason, it is concluded under one simple statement " You can survive without relying on anyone, that is intimidating". This is not the year of our parents, in which a woman can only be perceived as a housewife, in some marriage there are equality, I like that. I like reading to a friend's blog about her husband cooking for her, and pampering her after a hard day work, alternately taking care to the need of their children, and she is doing the same. 

I am writing this entry because I am fed up with reasons that were given, and I am deciding to actually forget about being in a relationship, because I can't change who I am. I will try to adapt in order for it to work but it must be a two ways communication. A relationship involve two individuals with equal take on its direction, it is not about my way or the highway (in which for me is a very kiasu train of thoughts).   

The Best Thing about me is YOU

I listened to Ricky Martin's new song, it intrigued me the first time I saw a part of the video clip on astro while I was relaxing at home. So, I look it up and viewed the full version of the video clip. It is not your typical Ricky Martin, the macho side in which  women go gaga just looking at him shacking his hip, this is a another version, more laid back, and for me it is an inspiring video clip. It focus on positivity on how we should look at the world from a different perspective, it is more on equality, in life and in love, co-existing among races and religion and even sexual preferences. Besides the positive message in the lyrics, there are also positive messages in the clip written all over the white board throughout the music video. It may not be anyone's cup of tea, it maybe bland, some may think that it is just the same like any other motivational songs. But I love the video clip (",).  Like Ricky Martin said "Life is short, so make it what you wanna"

Spring cleaning.. (",)

I did a little spring cleaning last Sunday, in which it covered the whole aspect of my life. First order of business is cleaning my room, second would be my email and finally my hand phone. 

Cleaning my room is a major thing for my mom because I am finally making my room more lady like. Like she said before it looks like a pig stile even the pig can't find its way out. Well, it comes to mother; everything is not at satisfactory level unless they are the one that are doing the cleaning. Today's entry is not about mothers, it’s about finally deciding which one is garbage or trash and which one is precious and priceless. I am what you call as a classic hoarder in which I tend to collect things that I think is important at first but in the end it is nothing but trash. I cleared out all the shirts, dresses and baju kurung that don't fit me anymore or the one that I accidentally ruined when ironing (high tendency in that),  exam papers, quizzes, assignments from my students from my previous employment, junks from my university years, God knows why I am keeping it, I cleared 4789 emails from my mail that I have been keeping in the hope to cherish the memories but with no avail and finally I deleted all the messages in my hand phone that I kept so that I can read it over and over again, either to feel happy or sad. This entire thing may signify that I am ready to move on. I guess it is not wrong to keep all those mementoes as a medium to remember what we have in the past, but when it becomes overwhelming maybe it is time to cleared out everything and start fresh. Memories will always be there as long as we want them to be, but we must also try to make room for something new, adding more color to our existing colorful life. 

Well, it took me 6 hours to clear everything and that night I sleep soundly in my new clean room, not bad. (",)

Weekend time!!!

I plan to take time out from my computers starting today until Monday. Now, it seems like I am glued to the monitor day in and day out, having a very active imagination, I am picturing myself waiting anxiously for any reply on my screen, waiting for any friends to be online so that I chat, and harvesting and tending to my virtual world in which I am very - very rich. Well, sometimes I do missed the life I have before internet and hand phone existed, the time of sending letters, and going out enjoying the moment and the company of friends. Now we do that also, but normally, instead of cards, SMS and being tagged on face book are the trends, going out with friends, but having them and also myself busy looking at the phone screen for SMS from others. I guess the more advanced we are on technology the lesser we value human touch. But on the other hands, called me indecisive (If you want), sometimes the real world is too scary and too stressful to be handle so escaping into our make believe world is the only option we have, in which everything can be settle just by a click of a button. The world is at your fingertip. 

Have a nice weekend everyone. Take time to enjoy the company of our friends and family. The one we can hear their laughters, hold their hands and pats their back. (",). Avoid to poke them online.