Please!!!! Be creative

It’s Saturday night, normally people would go out with friends, hanging around, just "lepak - lepak", out on a date, etc...etc...etc.. The main point is they will go out. I do love to hang out depends on the place that you would go, not that keen on shopping complex or mamak stall, and also depends on the company. But overall, I am a homely type person, I would stay at home and spend time alone or just with family. Currently due to the reason I work in JB, I prefer to stay home. Tonight, I stayed home with a friend, she came for a sleep over, don't mind the company, it's nice to have someone to talk to for a change instead of sitting in front of my laptop and chat.

We watched a drama on TV3, (I would prefer to read actually), and the story aroused the love life of a blind man with a woman who has weight and appearance issue, so the conflict begin. For me the story was cliché, that was forgivable, the scripts and acting sucks, and the worst part was, the ways that they come out with to create dramatic or heart wrenching scene in which fails miserably. I was squirming for two hours on the sofa, wishing that the drama to end (my friend was enjoying it so I have to endure two hours of bad acting). I do pray in my heart that our local script writers, directors, whoever is responsible for the drama and film industry, please be creative, don't underestimate your viewers, they do have brain to think. 

My friend wasn't that into books, tried to talk to her and discuss about the books I am currently reading, but she prefers the drama. So, I just kept the book on my desk and refrain myself from reading them. Finish 3 out of 4 books, need to make sure that I will have ample stocks of literary works for my coming Saturdays. I am not a geek, I just like reading, it’s fun, just wish I have someone to discuss it with, every Saturday or don’t mind every day.  

"Orang macam kita" or "People like us"

I have finished reading "Orang macam kita" or "People like us" in two days. I don't know why, I am not impressed with what I have read. Some of the short stories were adaptation from foreign writers (in which I believe, it would be best read in its mother tongue or English), some are new local writers branching out and showcasing their talents. A bit confusing on my part, not on the issue that were discussed, but am I that lack of creativity until for me some of the stories are a bit boring, sometimes too lengthy and too exaggerating in terms of the usage literary devices, metaphor and similes, you name it everything is in there. Throughout my reading, I was translating each and every word into English so that I would be intrigue to finish a short story. Like I said, I prefer that book to be in English maybe my perception would be different. Quoting from a friend "We should welcome new writers, only they should be able to write at least to a minimum standard."

I feel like that book is only being used as a continuance to the book "Body2Body (will be reading that), to show that however hard people pressure the gay community they will live on through writing and literary works, in the effort of "educating" or creating awareness. My personal point of view is, in doing so, one must make sure that the standard of writing even for new comers should be set at par, in order for a book to accepted as literary work (despite its genre), if not, it can only be perceive as words on papers compiled into a book, but the impact maybe ambiguous and vague. In order for a book to inspire, it need to be well written and well thought, even in translating it. 

P/s: Not that I am a good writer, but I do know my limitation. I doff my hat to those who writes and published, at least you have the courage to be read and criticized. I can accept the book, but it is not my favorite. 


But the stories that are interesting for me was a discussion on the Gay Icon in Malaysian Film (Hanya Jauhari Mengenal Manikam) and Rabak (a brother hatred towards his brother's lifestyle)

Does falling in love or forming a relationship, require a handbook?

I am questioning myself on this topic because out of conversations and discussions with friends, some of them provide details pointers on love and relationship, some just provide more confusing examples of the do's and don'ts. Really, is relationship that complicated, or we, who are in the relationship, tends to complicate things? 

I am just curious because sometimes for me the examples are a bit absurd and do we have to do that. Take for example, pet names, or just calling someone abang or sayang, or baby, if we don't call that name in text or face to face, it will cause the partner or the counterpart to sulks. If we don't allow him / her to hold our hands when we are walking together, it’s a sign that we don't love them, if we don't say I love you every time ending a conversation or starting one, it means that we don't love them. Is everything, every thought, every movement, every text must indicate, signals or means something?. People say that I am not in a relationship so I will not understand all of this. But I do understand one thing, relationships means trust and respect, if we trust our partner and respect them and even their time, I guess it will work in any relationship. There is no such thing as smooth sailing, problems, issues and conflicts will occur, just take a step back before we blow everything out of proportion. "Every good conversations starts with a good listening".I will call a person sayang, or baby or anything, when I am sure that, that person is the one.

But if anyone is writing the 'Love Handbook' please make it easy to understand, hehehehe, maybe called it "Handbook of Love for Dummies".

Teaching old dogs new tricks.

We used that proverb when we are talking about educating someone who has years of working experiences. It is not as easy as quoting the proverb. Today's meeting was interesting, because it shows that sometimes the new generations can also contribute to the development of an organization that is full of seniors. I have the utmost respect for all the seniors due to the experience their have throughout their working life. But sometimes being shun or ignored because your age or because of your years of working experience can be a bit annoying. True that we are young, true that we are lack of experience and true we can be labeled as raw or green. But it doesn't mean that we can't contribute in terms of ideas or provides intellectual opinions on an issue. Do ask, because sometimes the new can awe and surprise the old. Believe me when I say that age is not a benchmark for wisdom. 

Friends.

We made friends since we were young. If your age is 31, that's mean you made friends maybe more than 20 years. But we also made enemies along the way. Sometimes we tend to be influenced with our friends, peer pressure as they say. We tend to listen to friends more than we listen to our parents throughout our growing years. Well it's the normality of life; maybe some of us were or are not affected with all the dramas involving friends. All those dramas contribute to our train of thoughts, to our judgment, to our sanity and to our growth and development. At least our life is not just a monotonous line indicating the death of someone, as a reminder, friends are only extension of our family, like anyone in our life they may leave us one day, but it doesn't mean the relationship formed should be severed. Just use your better judgment in understanding how far you should self sacrifice, the important thing is you should be happy.  (",) - ngee -

Stereotype

I am back in Johor, I arrived here at 4.00 pm, and started to unpack my things and clean the house. I had dinner that was packed by my mother. Well, the weekend has turn out to be series of unforgettable events. I shared what I had felt with the passing of my grandmother with a friend, whom emails will always make my day.

I started my morning by sending my mother to work, we talked a lot about my experience in JB, and the conversation was interrupted by a car that kept on pressing his brakes. I was getting annoyed with his action, so I started to nag in the car, finally I passed the car and the driver was a senior citizen. My mum said “See, he is an old man, that why he is driving that way” when  she finished her sentence the old man pressed his gas just so that he would not have to stop for the red light. I guess it is human nature to stereotype everything and anything just to justify or provide reasons for the issue at hand. For example, if someone is driving carelessly, slowly or annoyingly it must be a woman, if a car is park in a very awkward way it must be parked by a woman. I bet if I ask around there will be a lot of stereotype given to justify any actions despite the gender of the doer.

I had my fair share of being stereotype, due to how I dress, how I walk, how I talk, and the best one is due to my choice of being single. I am according to some, playing hard to get, too choosy in choices of men and the best one is I am a lesbian. So between those 3 choices, which one fit me well, I am really intrigued.  

A death in the Family (a lesson learnt)

Life has a funny way of being cruel, I went back to my hometown to celebrate my birthday with my family (1st January), Julie's wedding with my matrix friends (2nd January), but end up attending my grandmother's funeral the next day. I was awakened at 3.00 a.m. by my mother telling me that my grandma has passed away. My dad immediately started his car and speed of to my village in Kuala Pilah, leaving my mother, myself and my sisters behind. That Monday was the first day of work for my eldest after 3 weeks of holiday, the 2nd day of work for my youngest at her new employment and my 3rd day in Seremban. 

When my mom woke me up, there was a moment of silent on my part, not because I was taken by surprise of the news, but because I was contemplating of an urgent appointment that I have to attend on that day. I was having conflict inside of me in choosing where to go and what to do, and at that brief moment, I almost chose of going to the meeting instead of attending the funeral. That was a very unforgettable feeling, a feeling so awry, putting the value of money against the value of family. I hated myself that moment and I cried for the next hours condemning myself of even having that thought.

I went to the funeral and helped in any way I could just so that I won't feel guilty of having that loutish thought. I tried my best not to cry at the funeral but I fail, tears were trickling down my cheek when I saw each and every one of my grandmother's sons and daughters knelt and kissed her forehead. Even my cousins who are men, were not shy to show their love and feeling towards my grandmother, they cried, before, during and even after the funeral. 

I do hope that I am strong enough not to have that feeling of selfishness ever again, putting a price tag on something as priceless as family. 

The Year of Love

I know that the title maybe a bit corny, but I am savoring the moment that this year started with a great event. It started with a wedding, the solemnization of Julie Marlina Hassan and Eiky Ekida Putra (hope I get the name right), in which the friendship between me and Julie went back since 1998. Our friendship were a bit rocky when we were studying together, cat fights, disagreement, even came to a point I once said I hate her, maybe the feeling was mutual. Well, like I said before we were young, most of our judgments came from the heart not the brain. The whole process of the solemnization was interesting, and I actually smiled throughout the process bearing in my mind, Julie finally found the love of her life. I met with Anis, my best friend / my roommate during matrix, with whom I shared most of my adventure in the art of patience and virtue, even though we are best friends it took a wedding to finally end the 8 years draught of not meeting each other. More good news is that Suzie is expecting her first child, she looks as radiant as a newlywed, you can tell that the baby with bring joy and strengthen the bond between her and her husband. Liana, is worried she will never find someone to settle down with, but the year is just beginning, I bet she will find Mr. Right, soon. (Amin). As for me, I promise myself that I will live my life in 2011, with the enthusiasm and tenacity, in terms of love, it is hard to tell, let just see how thing goes, it is still early. Who knows, maybe 2011 is THE YEAR of LOVE. (",). 

Books, books and more books.

Believe it or not in my village in Sarawak, when we were in primary school, my sister and I were famous. Because we actually open a library full of the old books, storybooks, magazines, Archies and Jughead comics, whatever things that we consider as reading materials and children our age sometimes older or younger would come to borrow books. We even had a system.

I love reading, I love and I enjoy every moment with a book since I was young. My dad used to work in the army, and I like to follow him to camp, he would do his work while I would spend my time in the library. I read Enid Blyton, Edward Stratemeyer, and Edgar Allen Poe, whatever books there were in the library as long as it is in English. The passion for books continue when my eldest sister also share my love for books, story books, fictions, she bought R.L Stein and Christopher Pike collections. I would find myself a corner and read, sometimes over and over again even though the ending would never change. My choice of books back then may not of literary values, but I enjoyed engrossing myself in them. In secondary school, I tried sharing books with my classmates, I even volunteered as a NILAM prefect, a student mentor assigned to groups of students, listen to them read in English and help them to understand the content. 

Even now, my heart grows fonder for books, and I am trying to rekindle the magic that reading has on me when I was young. I received a book as a birthday gift for my 31st birthday, the first book I received as a birthday gift when I was 13 years old, now I am receiving a book when I turned 31. I do hope that I will always fall in love with books; I did purchased two more books yesterday. I know that greed is one of the 7 deadliest sins, but I can't help myself, I am in love. (",)

1.1.11

A brand new year!!!!