Saying Goodbye......

Many may wonder why I posted the picture above. Both are the pictures of students that have been a part of my life for some years now. And they are also going to leave me, one day. Perhaps I will leave before they do, who knows the future, surely we don't. I like this sentence so much "Life is too serious to be taken seriously" and with them I learn a lot on how to let go and just have fun. And with them I also learn it is hard to say good bye. Sometimes I do wonder why do we love someone if it just mean goodbye and heart ache. Well human is given to opportunity to experience the wonder of loving someone and also the pain of losing one. It balances the life that we live... Just take 5 minutes and think, is there anyone out there that we forgot to say that we love them, better say it before too late, we may regret of not doing so...

Hmmmm......

Hmmmm.... Normal word used every day in sms, which has a lot of meaning based on interpretation. It can have positive and negative connotation. English has a lot of funny words that have different meaning. If I say that I am gay, people would look at you and say "WHAT YOU ARE GAY????" but the meaning that I am trying to convey is that I am happy. So the meaning of a word does differ based on the sentences that it is being used. Interesting isn't it. We Malaysian prefer to translate, thus exist Malaysian English, "Don't play - play" (Jangan main- main), "You don't make my blood goes upstairs" (Jangan bagi saya naik darah), "Like coughing at the side of the stairs", (Melepaskan batuk di tepi tangga). I know that some of you are laughing if you are reading what I have just written.

This is the fact of life about Us, Malaysian and the English Language. Here are some tips to improve your English, it is as simple as A / B / C

a) Start with something simple, a song or just watching cartoon, but without the subtitle.

b) Start to send sms in English, try in full sentences not the simplified version of its.

c) Speak to a friend, try with the words as simple as hello and goodbye, then move on to simple sentences, example 'I just want to say hi".

d) Avoid direct translation any English sentences, because the translation would be a bit funny if it is done wrongly.

e) Build up confident by singing loudly, such as in a in KBOX... (Hehehehe). No one would laugh at you because it is happy hours. Like they can sing better than you.

f) Always have fun with English.

- Peace -

What am I thinking?

Right now I am stuck in understanding my assignment, so I am writing this entry. Last Sunday I watched a movie that I thought would be interesting, boy.... was I wrong. The movie sucks "big time" except for the fighting scene, and there were too much unnecessary scenes. It was an abstract movie how the ideology to kill a man would save millions. And the implementation, and planning towards saving millions require the most genius man Ozymandiaz to lie to everyone he knew and even killing the people that he called friends. Sacrificing his heart and his feeling and also not putting away any hope that he would be understood. The secrets of how he saves million can never be told and can never be gloat, among his friends, nor among the people does he save, because it can kill more... Ironic isn't it, the worst movie I've seen contain the most abstract message in it... So that’s all for tonight... If you want to see the movie, remember I warned you... so have fun!!! P/s the movie was "THE WATCHMEN

Life isn't fair.. so what?

Today's topic is a bit different from others; the previous one is often about me, my life, my work, and me... (Well...it is my blog). This time it is about someone whom I used to look up to. Sometimes I do envy him, with all the "special treatment" that he is given, how people look up to him highly but on the other the hand, the knowledge of it that he has, is from others. I often question why him, not me? Why do people praise him for the ideas but I've being doing it all my life and not even a single person notice it... Is it because he has the ability or power to influence people, or am I too stupid for doing things without considering the power of the word "NO". Like I said before, I choose that, so life isn't fair, so what...? Back to my friend, he was struck with harsh comments from others that may cause him to be awaken to the reality of life, that life isn't always fair, and now resignation from the post has been considered as an option... I used to respect him, looking up upon him as someone that is popular among my peers, right now, I sympathize with him, and I do wish that I am not at his place right now... Torn between things, love or loyalty... I rather be me...... But I wish that he will bounce back, stronger perhaps wiser than before.... peace... (",)

"Choose to or Have to......"

Two simple words that have a lot of meaning, and change a lot of things. When we say "Choose to.." it means what we did it on purpose and willingly, but when we choose "Have to..." it means we are force to do it, whether we like or not. When we say that "I have to eat..." does that means that we are being force to eat... but did we consider that we have the choice to choose whether we can eat or not. So the question is, does the word "have to...” really exist or is it just the words we used to justify our own choices when we, ourselves do not know how to explain our choice of words and our choice of action... Everything that we do in this world is our choice no one force us, because we are the one who says YES instead of NO.
These are things or decision that I identify from "Having to do it...” to "Choosing to do it...."

a) I choose not to work in school.

b) I choose to rekindle back all the years that I have sacrifice.

c) I choose to love those even though sometimes they hurt my feelings more. 

d) Sometimes I choose to be used by others.

e) I choose to hate those who think that they have the right to judge me, and act as they know me better than me.

f) I choose to love a person that is so complicated, and that always makes me wonder if the feeling is mutual.

g) I choose to buy a new car, and give the old one to my dad.

h) I choose not be involved in any commitment for the time being.

i) And I choose to write this blog... (",) 

My last words for the future readers think about all the things, incident, event or decision that we make and take previously, are our choice... That we do it because we "Choose to..." not "Have to..."

The masks we wear..........

I am currently furthering my master, after 5 years of putting it back behind me. Just now I attend a class in which the discussion was somewhat interesting. It was in my counseling class and the discussion was about the mask that we wear and identifying what is our defense mechanism. How many masks do we wear? And why do we wear them? To me, wearing a mask is a way to protect ourselves from things or people that we consider as threat to our existence; it is also a way for us to achieve what we want in any way possible. Does that statement make me a hypocrite? Frankly speaking throughout our lives we used people whether it is directly or indirectly and sometimes we allow people to even use us, hmmmm..... People are complicated, the more we tried to understand the more we questions what we hold before this... But what important now is that "Be True To ourselves"... If we wear too many masks, we might not even recognize the person that is looking back at us, when we look in the mirror...

Having Fun!!!

English Camp Participants and Facilitators

Many people would disagree if I say that learning English is fun. I have a lecturer, his name is Mr. Daniel, and what he said back then has become something that I hold close in my life, he said “If you master English, you will master all". I hate to say it out loud that the English of Malaysian people sometimes can be very interesting to understand (stating it nicely), even the simplest words can have different pronunciation. Then, it struck me, Malaysians like to spell, we pronounce English like what we spell, S.A.TU...... M.O.S.Q.U.E. 

Perhaps it’s time for us to do something before the future generation cannot even understand the meaning of a word, even spelling it wrongly. We can be proud of being able to have one of the tallest building, or having a multiracial environment, but can we be proud if our children are unable to proceed higher in life just because of one weakness, "ENGLISH" .

"I learn a lot....."

"Take time in understanding a friend's heart and feelings, because they are also a human being, they have feeling of fears, feeling of worries, sad and disappointed... They also have weaknesses and also needed friends as sources of strength...often we see they smiles and laughs, but in reality they are not as strong as they seem". (Tasya /17 February 2009 / 00.28 a.m.)

These are words given to me by a special someone who I turned for strength for the past 2 days, what the words says are true, sometimes we see people laugh and smile, it does not mean that they are happy, it is just a way for some people to hide their true feelings, for them, laughing or smiling would "paused" life for a moment and in that time problems seem to fade even for a while. I used to do that, pent up all my feelings inside, and just smile and laugh in fronts of others as if what they say and do cannot even graze my hearts, tears will not drop, and I will not cry for anyone... but people change, as time passed by I learn to love others who are not my family, those who are around me, my course mates, my best friends, my office mates, my students, and some of them hold a special place in my heart. I never regret to have feel this feeling, it makes me more human, and reminded me that even I can love someone back. I thank ALLAH for giving me the opportunity of choosing this path of my life, I learn a lot and there is one more thing that I have to learn, that is to forgive and forget, because forgiveness is the most powerful tools, it strengthen bond, and it brings back smile and laughter without anything to hide... 

For the person that I care so much, you know who you are, I forgive you...and please forgive me back because I am still learning in asking for forgiveness.... 

Blogging mania!!!!

Two posts for one day, hmmm, maybe I am addicted to blogging or just a lot of pent up feeling.. My mum loves to watch Indonesian soaps on astro, often in astro aruna. And every soaps or drama shows a lot of misery, crying and sometimes unexplainable events, even in the comic relief. Is life really that way, if not why do misery sells story, why do tears act as the main attraction, do we loves to watch other people suffer but we know that we cannot bear the suffering itself.. These are questions without answers, the more we try to understand the more confused we will get. Maybe it is best just to live our life a step at a time so that we can gaze on its beauty, as WE PASSED IT BY, instead of trying hard to remember what we miss when LIFE PASSED US BY.

Faith knows no Dissapointment

Blogging to me was never consider as a tool for me to used often, visited regularly, or just spending time reading, for me, sms, telephone, email and ym are the way for me to keep in touch with everyone. Recently I surf the net and stumble upon blogs belong to my friends, especially during university years, and it makes me full of enjoyment to be able to catch up upon their life, and ponder how much i wasted of not contacting each of them. These are facts that are new to me :
a) Nurul akma is expecting a second child and so do Anis Sabirah Abdullah
b) Lady D (correct me if I am wrong) is Diana Djuraini's blog. (The person that is responsible for some changes in me during matrix years)
c) Julie Marlina or JM has to moved to PD and live her life to the fullest wherever she goes.
d) Bonda or Nani , is married, and with one child. (maybe more.....I should keep in Touch)
e) Mimi and Ablen has a son name Ablen Eusoff.
f) Akma's son name is Ameer Asyraff and very talented in music. (like father, like son)

I know what I have stated can be consider old for some people, but to me, it is new, coz now I know I can always read their writing in their blogs, sharing what they feel, looking at their world through their eyes. And perhaps one day I can share mine....