Sincerely : Naz

Things happened in my life for the past few weeks or better yet for the past few months that made me come to this conclusion that sometimes, being nice is a waste of time. A smile doesn't mean shit to anyone, and even a decent conversation on a neutral issue is considered as disrespectful. Sometimes I can't even figure out what is wrong, what are the real issues, is it me, or is it them, or is it both parties. Whatever it is, I am so tired trying to figure out what people wants from me. There is a time that I want to just let it out when people are treating me like I am nothing, that my feelings don't count, that my friendship is worthless, (I can only imagine the extend the damages that I can do). For once in my life I feel like I deserve to lose control, just whack anyone who has issue with me, "Ini kali lah" but my "Ini kali lah" never happen. Every time those things happen, I would just step back, take a deep breath and remind myself, that those people are not worth my time nor my respect even less my friendship, I would just accept what people say about me, how people act towards me, each and every blow, like a punching bag.

Why is it hard for me to do to those things, to lash out at people, calling them names, to raise my voice or even my hand, to push them aside, to act like I don't even care if it hurts their feeling, to demean them, or humiliate them? Is it because of my upbringing? The values that my mother often remind me when I was young "to be nice to everyone", "to control my temper and never lose it on anyone", "never be verbally or physically abusive" and "no matter what people do to you, be rational and act accordingly".

I set up my blog as a space for me to share to all my views and to just write. It has been the platform for most of the friendship that I have now, I met great people through this blog, and their friendship means a lot to me. I shared some of the journeys when I fell in love, my first crush, my first broken heart, all the first I ever had. I shared the wonderful things and sometimes not so wonderful things as well. I enjoy and appreciate all the comments that were written on my blog. For me the advice and the point of views shared will always remind me that there are a lot of wonderful people and beautiful minds out there, and the vast pool of friendship that can be formed.

However, now, I don't think that I am a very optimist person anymore, so this is my final entry for this blog. Thank you all and till we meet again.

Sincerely
Naz